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The top 17 drinks you should think twice about ordering at the bar

The top 17 drinks you should think twice about ordering at the bar

Maybe you don’t know anything about alcohol, you want to try something new, or you’re just pompous.

Either way, at some point in your life you’ve been that jerk who's visited a watering hole only to order a dumb drink that's intended to impress someone. Or you're just basic.  

I’ll admit it: I usually order vodka soda at the bar and that's because it’s easy to drink and pretty hard to mess up. But in saying this, after a while one must ask themselves if they're demonstrating total dumbassery when ordering their favourite type of liquid courage. And that's because the truth is that the type of drink you order actually says a lot about who you are.

Ya, I said it.

I’ve created a list of 17 drinks that you should think twice about ordering at the bar. 

Vodka Cran

You’ll find first year university students slamming this one down because they haven’t figured out what works yet. They simply do not understand the dumbassery that is ordering a drink packed with sugar – the perfect recipe for the worst hangover of your life when you’ve had more than just two or three.

Old Fashioned

They’re strong and you’ll quickly get swept away by an intense buzz, but most people who order this boujie drink don’t even know what it is. This isn’t an easy drink to make, and the bartender knows it so they just dump random hard alcohol in, hoping you’ll aggressively swig it with no questions asked. This drink is too fancy for most bars, and it’s typical at upscale bars for people who don’t know what they want in life.  

Corona

Corona is generally acceptable enough to drink and no one will tell you that it’s not ok. Most people can handle drinking it with a slice of lemon/lime, but if you do, you’re not fooling anyone. Stick to ordering this during your one week rager at an all-inclusive hotel in Mexico.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Ahhhhhh, your “carefree “ drink. You want others to think that you’re easygoing and omg so wild. You think Lana Del Rey is hot and that by ordering it, everyone will think you’re totes hip; they’ll never judge you. But they do. You’ll find tons of pop culture references for this cliché drink and that speaks volumes about what it can do to your reputation. Ya, it’s a real beer. The actual problem here is that you’re ordering it in the first place.

Mojitos

Please don’t put the bartender through this. It takes a while to make and that’s awful when a massive crowd is waiting for their turn to order. All they want is a beer but you’re monitoring the bartender to ensure he’s crushed some fresh mint leaves correctly; because you “like it strong.”

Margarita

Ugh, but seriously? I get it, it’s summer and you want to get smashed. You want to live it up but you don’t even know that this drink contains 500 calories or more. The truth is that most margaritas are tragically loaded with premade sour mix and sugar. It doesn't help that you look even douchier dancing on the bar singing karaoke songs from the likes of Spice Girls or Shania Twain.

Rum and Coke

This is another cop out. The truth here is that it’s heavily laden with hard booze and sugary Coca Cola, which is a recipe for getting fat. Don’t think that ordering Diet Coke is your saving grace – either way you’re basic and you make poor decisions.

Bloody Mary

Most popularly known as the “hangover cure,” this is popular at brunch…not at the bar at 10 pm. Please refrain from becoming the mixologist’s worst nightmare.

Jello shots

They seemed like a brilliant idea in college because they’re colourful and can be themed for occasions like Valentine’s Day and bla bla bla. You're vying to look bold, but in reality you just look like a three-year-old gulping down Jello with artificial flavouring. 

Sambuca

Why are you doing this to yourself and other people? Most people hate the taste of black liquorice, so even if it’s just you having it, the entire bar has to smell it on you for the rest of the night. That is all.

The cheapest beverage

You’re one of those people who incessantly insists that it’s happy hour even when it’s not. You make a scene and ask the poor bartender for “the cheapest beer on tap” because you’re…well, cheap – and that’s tacky.

Strawberry Daiquiri

You order it because why not!? It tastes like a Slurpee doused with a whole bunch of alcohol, but you look like a teenager who's going through puberty. If you want to sip on a strawberry daiquiri then have some dignity and stick to making it at home with your Magic Bullet. That or saving it until your next vacation around people who will never see you again.

Irish Car Bomb

Did you seriously think that this drink was authentically and exclusively engineered in Ireland? The only thing that’s a little bit Irish about it is that it was created on St. Patrick’s Day, or so they say. Don’t be that stupid person who’s thrilled by the awkwardness that is dropping a shot into a glass of lukewarm beer. Brilliant…

Cosmopolitan

You think it’s upscale and that by drinking it, you are too. But underneath that upper class smile, you want alcohol without having to taste it. Bartenders actually love it when you order this because you’re only getting half the alcohol that you would otherwise, yet you’re paying double the price. You're basically just screwing yourself over. 

Bailey’s in anything

What you’re really telling others is that you never made it out of your parent’s basement and that nobody wants to date you. This is incredibly easy to drink but you think it's intense because you ordered it “on the rocks.” 

Any beer that’s lime flavoured

Ahhhhhh, you think you’re so summer hip! You’re carefree, you’re into short shorts, you’re super fun and exciting. Unfortunately this is not a glam drink. Chances are you watch too many commercials and you've considered buying infomercial products, too. 

A drink from a restaurant

Do not, I repeat, do not do this. Don’t be that person who went to The Keg or Chili’s the night before and requested that the bartender replicates a cheesy drink that's not offered anywhere else. Doing this is rude and shows that you don’t have any class.

Long Island Iced Tea

What you’re really trying to tell everyone here is that you’d like to get blackout wasted, and that’s not a good look for anyone. The bartender has already flagged the bouncers to keep an eye on you and if your friends are smart, they’re worried. This is laden with several different ingredients like vodka, rum, triple sec, gin, sour mix, and Coke. It's a nightmare waiting to happen. 

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