Brenna

 

My front door jammed and I loathed it - here's why

My front door jammed and I loathed it - here's why

You know that moment when you get a creative rush and you need to take care of it right away? It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, you need to do something about it.

This happened to me during a dinner with some lovely people. I was seated beside three creatives, which never happens to me. I usually find myself surrounded by people with conventional careers. That's awesome and fine but because I often feel there isn't a lot of room for the abstract I am careful about what I say. This time I could let loose. 

I listened to an artist tell me about how she forces herself to paint every day, a music producer sharing his musings over the daily grind. I knew I was in the perfect place at the perfect time and I resolved my issues by promising myself I would write in my blog when I returned home.

So imagine me, upon returning to my apartment to write a blog article, finding that my door was completely jammed. REALLY JAMMED. I didn't know who to call and that made me frustrated. I wasn't in the mood to pay a large sum to a professional so I told myself with optimism that I'd find a way to get around it on my own terms. This was important to me. 

I scurried off to Shoppers (the only store that was open) and purchased three cheap plastic rulers - the only objects I knew would slide under my front door. I sat on the floor and prodded the closet jammed behind the door to open it up, worrying that some part of this wasn't right, as though this is a skill I ought to have mastered by this point in my life. 

This is how I've felt about my personal writing for a while now. In previous jobs I have done web writing and during the last few years there was a gruelling pressure to get numbers. How many views did my article get? This obsession of, "What is the Facebook reach?" The constant thoughts of, "Have I let people down?" and overall, the feeling that no matter how hard I worked, no matter what I did, I couldn't get ahead. I couldn't win. Someway my writing would never be good enough, even if the numbers were great. 

I've worked so hard to improve my writing but at times in the past I have wondered if I was just one of those writers who writes to say they write. The truth is that writing for me isn't simply a skill, it's my livelihood. When I don't have that I feel like I've lost everything. 

My blog has been dead for a while now but I feel like I'm finally coming back to life. It is funny how when perceived in a negative light, that doing something you love so much can feel foreign. I have had to trust myself in the ability to do what I love and to remind myself that I am an expert in what I do. 

Knowing how valuable this is I'd encourage you to remind yourself of your own abilities every day. Never let the hard times dictate your ability to do something you love. 

 

 

What I have to say about homelessness in Vancouver now that it's winter

What I have to say about homelessness in Vancouver now that it's winter

Why I'm going to freeze my eggs

Why I'm going to freeze my eggs